• Fri. Jul 1st, 2022

“Graduated” from an infertility support group?

This is the strange paradox of infertility support groups: unlike other types of support groups – for example, groups for grieving spouses or former alcoholics – fertility groups exist to help their families. members to face a difficult situation that they are also actively trying to change. If you are in a group of sober alcoholics and you relapse, this is a cause for additional support and concern. If you are part of an infertility group and do get pregnant, that’s theoretically cause for celebration, but it can be emotionally difficult for those members who are left behind.

“We are very careful about how we construct our conversations,” said Jen Soch, who has led a peer-led infertility support group in New York for a decade. “If someone has had a positive track record, or is in the process of graduating, we talk to them beforehand and always wait until the end of the meeting to announce it.”

[When to see a fertility specialist.]

As a result, being part of an infertility support group can both keep sanity and drive people crazy. Amy Klein, who wrote the forthcoming book “The Trying Game: How to Get Pregnant and Get Through Fertility Treatment Without Losing Your Mind,” joined several infertility support groups on Facebook while trying to get pregnant from her. now 4 years old girl. She found that the groups offered both emotional solace and served as a place to express your feelings about people who got pregnant easily or family members who were insensitive to making their own pregnancy announcements. . But Klein also had a hard time being happy for a friend who announced a pregnancy to him.

“My husband said to me, ‘Why can’t you be happy for her? It doesn’t take anything away from you. And I was like, ‘I’m not that good as a person,’ ”Klein said. To that end, many online fertility forums have a separate tag for posts called “Ments,” explained Klein, which is short for “ads.” A post titled “Good Lies” – usually a person announcing that they have become pregnant – indicates that it contains information that may be difficult for some members to read.

When a good news arrives, resentment can seep into the other members, as well as guilt in the person making the happy announcement. Dorothy Nelson, a university professor in Arizona, struggled with her first pregnancy, so when she decided to try number 2, she joined a Facebook support group. But the second time around, she got pregnant without difficulty. “You feel a little guilty,” she said. “But then I was on the other side, where you see people who started at the same time as you, and theirs are working, and you want to be happy for them but you are also just sad for yourself. . ” Some online groups have rules against staying in the group after your first ultrasound at around six weeks. “If they go over that mark, some members get really mad,” Nelson said. “They report you to the administration, or get really sarcastic.”